


Of classic memes, John Mulaney references, and crazy good sex

by salytierra



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Disaster Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual zuko, Casual Sex, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, I wrote this because I wanted to make some people smile, M/M, Multi, THE DRESS(TM), absolute crack, mild pining, references to sex but no actual smut, they are all dumbasses, they are disasters your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:21:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27155129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salytierra/pseuds/salytierra
Summary: Just your typical "my girlfriend and I were on a break, so she banged this dude, but then we got back together and to get even she let me sleep with the same dude" AU.You know, normal stuff ;)
Relationships: Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 408
Collections: A:tla





	Of classic memes, John Mulaney references, and crazy good sex

**Author's Note:**

> **Me:** *finishes posting a 41k zukki AU* So, what shall we do next?  
>  **Also me:** Another zukki AU, obviously!

“I still cannot believe you boned the new pilates instructor!” 

Suki stretches out on the sofa, head on the handrest and her legs thrown over her boyfriend’s lap. He grabs one of her feet and digs his fingertips into the meat of the arch. She groans, closing her eyes, damn, she’d missed his massages during those two weeks. 

“I told you it’s not a big deal. He challenged me to a race at the pool, I won, he bought me a couple of drinks as a prize and one thing led to another. It was a one-time thing and we were broken-up.”

“No, we were on a break.”

She sticks one foot up in his face “Semantics, Zuko.” 

“Whatever.” He sputters out and grabs her ankle, pushing it away, but she twists around and plasters her other foot all over his smirk, wiggling her toes. In retaliation he sticks out his tongue and laps at her sole, making her yelp and jump away. “That tickles, you asshole!” 

“Oh, I am the asshole?” But he’s grinning. “I’m not the one doing the rounds on coworkers.” 

“Oh, please,” she rolls her eyes. “You could have gotten laid too if you wanted.” 

“I did! It’s just-” 

She raises one eyebrow. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” But he looks away in that way he does when he’s trying to avoid a topic but hasn’t figured a good way to change it yet. He can be slow like that, in social situations. 

“Out with it.”

He sighs and rubs at the back of his neck. “I went to a gay bar.” 

“And you came home alone?”

“I came home with a girl.” 

Suki blinks. And then explodes in laughter. She throws her head back and cackles, swinging her legs around to drape herself all over him, punching repeatedly the cushions. “Oh my god- how? Only you!” 

“Yeah, yeah, thumb your nose at me some more, why don’t you?” 

“Oh don’t worry, I will.” She smirks at him upside down from where her head has settled down on his lap. The blush on Zuko’s healthy cheek is sickeningly adorable. “How? Was she hot at least?”

“Yeah, it was her buddy’s bachelor party. Cute, big boobs, don’t ask me for a name coz’ I don’t remember. But that wasn’t why I’d gone to that bar.” 

“Aw, do you need a dicking down that badly?” 

He exhales and leans back against the couch, his hand coming down to comb through her hair. “I was worried about us and needed a different sort of distraction, that’s it. But I had already put my mind to it so it feels like I’d left something unfinished.”

For a perfectionist like Zuko, who hates loose ends, that must feel like quite a nagging. “Want me to break out Mountain Dew?” 

He blinks down in a moment of confusion before remembering and snorts, scrunching up his nose. “Didn’t I ask you to stop giving our toys weird names?” 

“But it’s neon green!” Fuck him, it’s her strap-on, she will name it whatever she wants. (heh, _fuck him_ , heh) 

“I’m just saying it’s creepy for me to get railed by a radioactive gamer drink.”

“Do you have a better option?” 

He frowns, and she almost can see him remembering every man he’s ever met to pick out a name that doesn’t feel weird. He’s just that particular, and it gets worse when he’s stressed. Seriously… 

She pushes herself upwards and repositions until she can drape her arms over his shoulders, his hands instinctively grasping her waist. 

“Or-” she starts

“Or?”

“Sokka.”

“That’s still a weird name for a dildo.”

“No, Sokka, the new instructor.” 

“Oh, your _paramour?_ ” 

She huffs out a laugh and he tilts his head quizzically. “What with him?”

“Look, I feel, not _bad_ but well… on a break or not, I did sleep with a coworker, which is more off-limits than a bar stranger. We both have to see him every day. So to get even, why don’t you make him into your gay one-off, to get it out of your system?” 

Zuko tries to raise one eyebrow, a habit that he’d picked up from her even if it doesn’t have nearly the same effect, considering that he only has one eyebrow to begin with. 

“Is he even bi?” 

“Oh honey, believe me, he is.” 

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, but I know. I told you I-”

“Oh no, we are _not_ having that discussion again. You do not have a bi-dar. That’s not a thing!” he seethes, his hands tightening on her waist. 

Suki chuckles, sprawling herself over his chest and nuzzles up to his jaw with a peppering of kisses in lieu of a mitigation. Oh boy, just as the great “cheating-at-Mario-kart” brawl from two weeks ago, that had been one of their most vicious arguments. Thank the gods for Toph and Haru respectively. How can such a fun and harmonious relationship always need a moderator for the stupidest reasons is beyond her. But looking back at it it’s kinda funny and she loves ruffling his feathers. 

“Just trust me, ye of little faith, I’ve been to his house, he’s definitely bi.”

He seems to consider it seriously for the first time. “He’s hot.”

“And very flexible.”

“You really don’t mind?” He nudges her head up with his shoulder, serious-talk-face on. 

“Aw, I’m not the jealous type Zu, you know that. And I got to taste the goods so I want you to have a bite as well, you deserve a treat from time to time.”

“How magnanimous of you.”

“I know” she winks at him “I’m the best.”

***

Zuko ambushes Sokka two days later, having checked his schedule. The sky has gone dark and Zuko’s hanging out on the puffs in the gym lounge, playing with his phone after showering and changing clothes for the occasion. From here he can see both the door of the male staff changing room and, through the glass, Suki’s last crossfit lesson wrapping up. 

“Do you want a pep talk?” She asks him when she stops by on her way out, eyes dancing with a teasing glimmer and a towel thrown around her shoulders. 

He drops his duffel bag in her hand, so she can pop his work clothes into the washing machine when she gets home. “Do you think I need one?” 

Her eyes roam down his body — clad in a dress shirt that clings to this chest and sides in all the right ways — and snap back up. She leans in and further musses up his damp hair. “Now you don’t.” 

Behind her, Zuko sees the door of the changing room open and he immediately locks eyes with his target. 

“Hey, Sokka! Wait up for a sec!” He calls out, standing up. Suki holds onto his elbow long enough to give him a peck on the cheek, holding in her amusement, and saunters off to the Ladies’ staff room. 

Sokka freezes up by the side of the water station, his duffel bag clutched in his hands like it’s a lifeline. He looks at Zuko like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Uh, hi… um-” 

“Zuko.” Zuko supplies. “And I’m not gonna assault you. Relax.” 

“Yeah, I know your name. And it’s not as reassuring as you think coming from the guy that runs all the combat and self-defense classes.” 

Zuko laughs out loud. Oh, he likes that guy already. “I mean it tho. See?” He does jazz hands in Sokka’s face. “No gloves, I come in peace.” 

“Look,” Sokka drops his bag and sighs. “I didn’t know you two were still together. She told me you were broken up.” 

“On a break. But that’s semantics.” 

But Sokka winces, looking uncomfortable again. “It’s not semantics, it’s a big difference. Uh…” he looks straight at Zuko with the most earnest deep-blue eyes “I’m sorry... buddy.” 

“Buddy.” Zuko can’t help it, his lips quirk up. Sokka must have realized how dumb that sounded too, he relaxes a fraction and laughs softly. 

“Yeah, I’m usually better at talking to people. I’m still sorry tho. Please let me make it up to you somehow.” 

Zuko shakes his head. “I’m gonna hold you to that, but there’s nothing to be sorry about. Suki was the one responsible for turning you down, not that she had to, since we were technically not together then. I’m not mad, but it occurred to me that we’ve been coworkers for a month but have barely talked.”

“Really? You don’t strike me like the social type. I never see you talking to other staff.” Sokka barely finishes the sentence and immediately slaps himself on the forehead. “What the fuck is wrong with me today?” 

Zuko doesn’t take offense though. It’s not like Sokka isn’t right. But that gives him a good entry. He shifts his stance to something more show-offish. “Oh, and you’ve been watching me a lot?” 

“I- I just wondered if you knew about, you know…” He gestures in the direction of the female staff’s changing rooms. “Not being creepy.” 

Zuko shrugs. “It’s not creepy. I was just wondering.” 

“Wondering what?”

“Why a guy that looks like you is single and available to bone other people’s girlfriends?”

“Well,” Sokka chuckles sheepishly. “I’m new in town.”

“Really?” Zuko cocks his head, a smile already forming on his lips “What are _three other things about you?”_

Sokka blinks at him and then throws his head back with a laugh. It’s a nice, clean sound, and Zuko feels pleased with himself. 

“I’m not homeless, I’m not gay, nor do i have AIDS, if that’s that you’re asking.” 

“Aw pity,” Zuko leans his hip against the water station and sighs dramatically, infusing his voice with theatrical disappointment “not even a little bit gay?” 

He cracks one eye open, watching reactions play in rapid succession through Sokka’s handsome face, until he fiddles on his feet, a hint of a blush breaking through his dark complexion. He may think he’s discreet, giving Zuko a quick once-over, but they are in a very well-lit hall and the flicker of his blue eyes might have as well been a full body rub-on. 

Zuko smirks. Score. 

Who knows maybe there’s some truth to Suki’s self-appointed bi-dar. He reaches out and settles his open hand on Sokka’s shoulder, moving it down his well-toned arm, fingers mapping the curves and dips of his muscles down to his elbow. Sokka’s eyes widen, breath speeding up. He looks at Zuko like he’s asking a question. And it’s kind of cute, seeing such a gorgeous and strong guy unsure of his footing. Zuko’s never had much game in his awkward youth, but the last few years of making a life for himself and being with Suki boosted his confidence and people skills enough to know when he’s being appreciated. 

“You want to make it up to me? Why don’t you invite me to the same drinks you bought my girlfriend before you fucked her, and we can talk about what you can do for it?” 

“And what about her?” 

“Hm?” Adorable, _now_ he worries. Zuko turns around and hooks his elbow around Sokka’s arm, dragging him out of the gym doors. “Oh, she doesn’t mind?” 

“Are you sure?” 

Zuko huffs, watching both sides before crossing the road, in the direction of the cocktail bar at the end of the street. “Trust me, you won’t get in any more trouble, _buddy_.” 

***

Sokka is _fucked_. 

Physically yes, but also metaphorically. spiritually. discarnately. 

His grandma always said “never spit in a well, you might have to drink from it. And never sleep with coworkers.” Okay, she didn’t say that last part, but everybody else does. It’s just messy. And Sokka doesn’t want to make a mess out of his new life so soon. (Oh, he will eventually, he has faith in himself on that front, but maybe not quite at the beginning would have been nice, hm?) 

He’s just moved into a new city, he hasn’t dated anyone seriously for years, since Yue, and is yet to settle in and find friends or comfort places. So far his month had been revolving around his new job and decorating his apartment. Pretty mundane! 

And then, in the span of one week, he managed to fuck two of his coworkers. 

And if somebody else told him that, he’d have been like “noice, man” and offered his hand up for a high-five. However it’s way more complicated from within. Because wow. Like… wow. It might be the loneliness or the horniness talking but what a couple of nights. 

Sokka shouldn’t have been making bets with the crossfit coach in the first place. The gym promotes a responsible version of the practice but the people that attend the class are still very into it and the instructor has to fulfill certain expectations. She is all energy and tightly coiled strength. Sokka just wanted to make a friend but they connected like two opposite polarity magnets and knowing that she had just broken up with her long-term boyfriend Sokka let what happened happen. He could live with being a rebound shag. And WOW! He's not a weak guy by any means. He started doing pilates and yoga in his youth on his shrink’s recommendation to help out with his ADHD but with the years the rigorous exercises gave him almost supernatural capabilities. But- he could barely keep up with her. They almost broke his new bed! The girl liked it HARD, and didn’t necessarily need him to be the rough one. He was sore and dazed for two days after their affair. 

And he was so determined to ask her out, so sure of himself. Then he came into work Monday morning and saw her making out with her ex in the lobby. The talks in the staff rooms confirmed it immediately. They were back together. And apparently it was a common occurrence. These two fought all the time and then made up like nothing happened. _WELL HOW WAS SOKKA SUPPOSED TO KNOW?? WHY DID NOBODY TELL HIM??_

And then Zuko came in and Sokka didn’t think with his own brain, just instinctively ducked behind a plant and hid in there until Zuko had walked past. 

Behind. A plant. 

Greeeeat! 

He tried to remember what he knew about the guy and discreetly probed around the other staff. Self-defense, boxing, bootcamp and body combat instructor, no personal training work. Something about a family of generals and him quitting the military before becoming an instructor, hence the beating shit up for the living. Cool scar of mysterious origins, nobody knew the story but it sure as hell impressed the clients and worked up respect. Not the kind of guy Sokka wanted to make an enemy of at his new workplace. 

Zuko was gentle in bed. 

Not meek or a pillow princess by any means. But he was passionate in an asphyxiating way, like a build up of flames, roaming hands, meticulous and lingering grasps, strong but contained, and he wanted to be under. Wanted Sokka to pin him down and demanded more and more from him, let his body say what words couldn't convey, drove him crazy and milked him dry. Burning bright eyes and a predatory smirk, shameless noises that should be illegal, and that mouth… oh gods! 

And in the morning Sokka had driven them both to work, Zuko thanked him with a wink, got out of the car and went to kiss his girlfriend. 

Sokka is so fucked. 

So, so fucked. 

Because now he can’t stop thinking about them and imagining what they do when they’re together. Their lovemaking styles seem unlike at first but the more Sokka thinks about it the more he can see how they actually fit together like complimentary puzzle pieces. And then he keeps turning in his head pictures and possibilities that make him needy and horny at the least convenient times. 

But it’s other things as well. It had been… genuinely fun. Just to talk to them, to get to know them a bit. 

Idiot. Absolute buffoon. Clown of the highest standard, graduated from clownery university magna cum laude. What kind of imbecile has a pair of one-night stands with his coworkers and immediately starts crushing on them? 

“You are a clown, a buffoon, an idiot.” Katara tells him over the phone when he spills the beans on his predicament, and he’s glad she’s on the other side of the country and he can’t see her disgruntled face. “Also _ew_ , spare me the details. What are you planning to do about it?” 

“Um, nothing? We work together and they’re a couple.”

“Have you tried getting laid?” 

“Of course, I’m not an idiot, Kat. It didn’t work and everyone seems subpar now. They are so sexy, omg you have no idea.”

“Did you just say OMG out loud? Wow, you really are doing bad.”

“Oh, piss off you stupidhead.” 

He hangs up on his sister and leaves the house to go to work but the conversation had lifted his mood. He cannot wait until her student contract expires and she can move closer.

The rest of the day passes more or less normally, with personal training and a couple group lessons. He even manages to avoid running into Suki or Zuko. And he doesn’t even know why he’s hiding. It’s not like he has a giant glowing sign on top of his head spelling “CRUSH ALERT” that will light up the moment either of them walks within two meters of him, instantly killing his chances of building up a reputation by making him the laughing stock of the entire district. 

Except that when the day is over and he’s about to get into the car he hears voices in the parking lot, and recognizes both Suki and Zuko arguing passionately. 

“I’m telling you, it’s impossible!!”

“Fuck you if it is! I see what I see and you’re wrong!”

“I also see what I see! And I’m telling you it’s black-and-blue you half-blind idiot!”

“Oh you did _not_ just go there!” 

Sokka frowns, throwbacks to a wartime in his own house flashing before his eyes at those words. He really should leave them be but the shouting is getting heated and let it never be said about Sokka that he doesn’t love poking his nose into places where it doesn’t belong. He turns around and marches across the parking lot towards where Suki and Zuko are practically throwing hands at each other. 

“Look, let’s not argue about this now! We can ask Toph to-”

“And how is _Toph_ going to help us with this you dimwit?” 

“What’s going on?”

They round up on him and Zuko immediately snatches up Suki’s phone and shoves it under Sokka’s nose. “Does that dress look black-and-blue or white-and-gold to you?”

Sokka… cannot believe this. “Isn’t that meme five years old?” 

“Yeah but we missed it back then and Kyle from aquaerobics brought it up today.” Suki huffs, arms in jars. Of course it would be fucking _Kyle…_

Sokka is trying not to laugh now. Maybe Katara is right and he’s an idiot, because he managed to find the two dumbest people on the planet to crush on. But he doesn’t really manage to keep it in and explodes in cackles. 

Suki and Zuko, who’s still holding up the phone, exchange a glance and drop their shoulders a fraction. 

“Alright, alright—-” Sokka rubs with one hand at his eyes while the other’s still clutching his middle. It’s probably been a couple of minutes at this point. He takes in a deep breath, cheeks hurting from grinning. “The leading theory is that it’s related to how our brain perceives colors and chromatic adaptation. When light enters the retina it doesn’t only carry information about colors of objects but also the color of the light itself. It’s known as the illuminant. Our visual system is supposed to throw away information about the illuminant and extract information about the actual reflectance. But we have a daylight bias which comes in either hues of blue or yellow. And that’s where our brains differ. Some people either discount the blue side, in which case they end up seeing white-and-gold, or discount the yellow side, in which case they end up with blue-and-black. The exact lighting features and contrast values of the photo created an environment that exaggerated this usually subtle reaction.” 

The two stare at him with wide eyes. 

“Bendy _and_ smart? Has anybody told you how sexy that is?” Suki stage-whispers. 

Sokka preens “Yes, in fact. Back in college.” 

“Okay, but what is the actual color?” Zuko shakes himself out of the stupor. 

“Well…” Sokka bites on his lip, not quite managing to hide his smile. “I, _personally_ , see white-and-gold too but uh, the dress was confirmed by the manufacturer to be blue-and-black.” 

Suki whoops loudly, punching the air and doing a happy little dance. Zuko swears like a sailor for a good minute. Sokka laughs. 

Suki’s phone in Zuko’s hand gives a ping, and Zuko checks the notifications. “Aang is asking where the fuck are we.” 

“Oh right.” 

Sokka deflates a bit, and remembers that they are all out of work and will probably go on their ways now. Suki and Zuko together, and Sokka back to his empty apartment. “Well, I should get going. See you around.” And he probably sounds a bit more wishful or pathetic than he intended (not that ideally he’d intend anything above zero for those values but hey, gotta be semi-realistic). 

“Sokka wait.” Zuko reaches out and grabs his shoulder before he can turn to walk away. “Thanks for solving this. We always let the stupidest arguments get to us and, uh-” He turns to Suki and the couple exchanges a few meaningful looks, complete with raised eyebrows and all that sappy love story jazz. Suki nods, now looking at Sokka with a twinkle in her eye. “We are meeting up with some friends for a few drinks and trivia night? You wanna come, mr. science?” 

“Sure!” Sokka lights up. He cannot believe his luck! “Just give me the address to drive to-”

“Nah, leave the car.” Zuko wraps his arms around Sokka’s elbow, just like the last time, dragging him to his own ride, Suki jogging up to Sokka’s other side, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Drinking and driving? Not a healthy combo. Zuko’s apartment is right next to the bar, so you can crash with us afterwards.” She wiggles her eyebrows. 

And even Sokka can read between those lines.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, they get attached to him :D
> 
> EDIT: Many people pointed out how they liked the established Zuko/Suki. Well then I recommend checking out another of my fics - [Heave Ho: sea rats and future kings!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26530291)  
> I promise you'll not regret it ♥


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